“See? I told you! He’s doing that weird thing with his eyes!” Leroy whispered, nudging Xander in the ribs.
Xander stared directly at his friend, and sighed.
“You drag me here, to this filthy alley, make me kneel in this disgusting puddle of I-don’t-even-want-to-know that’s leaking out of this rank dumpster, just to look at a dude’s eyes? A dude that’s over there, nearly half a fucking mile away? The fuck is wrong with you!”
Leroy tried to silence Xander, covering his mouth while hissing at him to shut up.
Xander frantically waved his arms around, trying to slap Leroy away.
“Keep your dirty hands away from my fa- ARGH! Don’t stick your grimy fingers in my mouth, asshole!”
“Quiet! He’ll hear us! And if you would’ve been QUIET, I wouldn’t have had to shush you!” Leroy whispered, albeit a little louder than he had intended.
“Don’t you see? This is our chance! I’ve been following this guy for weeks, and he always comes here every Thursday night, just sitting there, staring at nothing, and I’ve seen him do the weird horizontal blink!”
Leroy could barely contain his excitement.
“He’s a Lizard person, I’m sure of it! If we capture him, we’ll be rich! And famous! Rich and famous! Come on man!”
Xander eyed his best friend, then squinted at the man sitting cross-legged at the end of the alley.
“You’re sure about this, yeah? Anyone else I’d say they were pulling my leg, but you don’t usually fuck around. I swear, though, this is the craziest thing you’ve come up with in, well, ever.”
“Of course!” Leroy exclaimed, “I’ve even got pictures! But they’re all at max-zoom, and so extremely pixelly that even my little nephew could fake it better, and he’s barely three years old. We need to catch him, then we’ll have proof!”
“So, let me get this straight. You saw a man with a medical condition, or just fucky eyes, and you decided that he’s obviously a Lizardman, and we need to capture and kidnap him for fame and wealth?
Mate, I’ve known you since kindergarten, but this is far-fetched, even for you. I’m out, and I’m going home, far from this disgusting dumpster. If you don’t want to go to jail for assault, I suggest you do the same.”
“Oh c’mon man, I thought you weren’t afraid of anything! You’re a quarterback for fuck’s sake, you’re like a house on legs!”
Leroy hesitated for a moment, then pulled himself together.
“Fine, you know what? Screw you! I’ll do it myself, just like my famous namesake!”
With that said, suppressing the urge to bellow out his own name, Leroy took off at full speed, determined to knock the man over and capture him.
As he got closer, the man turned around, alerted by the sound of the approaching running footsteps.
This close to the man, Leroy could clearly see him blink in surprise – horizontally!
His heart was in his throat, pounding, racing faster than ever, when something struck him from behind, toppling him over and smashing his head against the ground.
Leroy’s vision dimmed, and as he started to black out, the last thing he saw was Xander standing over him.
Blinking horizontally.
“Sorry bud, you should’ve gone home.”