“So live streaming didn’t work that great in hindsight, we’ve decided on another approach from now on. You were right, it’s all about the edit. Mea culpa. We’ll get your curtains replaced, promised.”
Hermes was positively beaming, they were waiting for Charon at the water’s edge.
Charlotte was not sure how to feel about the fact that the water’s edge they were waiting at was connected to the duck pond at her local dog park.
She wasn’t going to bring it up if he wasn’t.
At least it was nighttime, on a weeknight, meaning the place was mostly empty.
The fiasco that was Bastet’s interview did turn out to be a major hit. It went viral on every possible platform and even got mentioned on several international news outlets.
The image of the goddess with shreds of steak hanging from her mouth had become a popular meme format for faux cheerful inspirational quotes. Charlotte had to admit she had giggled at a few of them, “Live, Laugh, Larceny” was her favourite.
They waited in silence, Hermes regularly looked at the sky, then the reflection of the moon on the water surface.
When the moon was at its highest point he let out a dramatic breath and said “about fracking time.”
The wind picked up around them, though their hair was being whipped up and a few sleepy ducks quacked in annoyance, nothing else seemed touched by it. The gravel remained undisturbed and the trees didn’t rustle.
The freaky wind was accompanied by the smell of leaves and cool river water, pine resin and wet earth. Mist swirled up from the moon’s reflection on the pond and a vessel appeared as if approaching from a long way away.
The dramatic effect was kind of ruined by the ducks frantic scrabbling to safety and the crunch of the park bench as it moored onto land.
Most of it was on land. It wasn’t a very large pond.
Charon’s ferry however was. Although it was about the size of a billionaire’s private yacht, it looked like no boat Charlotte had ever seen.
Imagine a barge with bronze carvings of dolphins, mermaids and sea monsters all along the hull against a dark black wooden background. It kind of looked like an antique Greek vase and a pirate ship had a baby. No masts or sails though, only a massive oar at the back worked by a hulking humanoid figure.
At the front a many-headed golden hydra served as a figurehead.
It looked down at Hermes and Charlotte and asked with a thick accent “You guys good to go, ok?”
The hydra extended one of their long serpentine necks and lowered a head in front of Charlotte and another said “Go on, just stand between our horns and hold on. Small thing like you can not hurt us, ok? And if you do, we’ll just grow another two heads, more heads, more fun!” They winked at her with all heads in unison and laughed boisterously. “Go on, go on! Mean girl and cat are already on board!”
Charlotte carefully followed their instructions and they lifted her to the deck, all the while chatting loudly and laughing amongst themselves in Greek.
Hermes floated casually up, with his thumbs hooked in his pockets, humming a tuneless song.
“Hold up! Payment must be made!” a gruff voice thundered.
The hulking cloaked figure blocked them from getting on board. “You know the rules, Hermes, the ferryman must be paid or else the soul shall wander the shores eternally.”
“Oh come on old man, “the hydra whined, “this girl, she is not dead, also this is not Styx, this is duck pond!”
“I must be paid to transport souls, and even if she is not dead her soul is still attached to her.” Charon replied.
“Do you have anything to pay grumpy man, tiny girl?” the hydra asked, “is not difficult, anything will do, he is just like that, old fashioned.”
Charlotte patted her pockets nervously with one hand, still holding on to the hydra’s horn tightly with the other. She was trying to remember what kind of payment the ferryman of the dead preferred, something about coins on the eyes?
“Uhm…I don’t seem to have any coins”she stammered, her fingers found a small disc in her back pocket, “Will a shopping cart token work? It’s kind of a coin.”
She could just make out 2 red glowing eyes in the darkness under the hood.
“Please Charon, our neck hurts, let her on!” the hydra pleaded.
Charon considered it a moment, then held out a massive calloused hand, “Fine, payment is accepted.” he said as Charlotte handed over the trolley token.
As Charon helped her onto the deck Hermes barged between them.
“Charon, my man! Meet Charlotte! Charon, Charlotte. Charlotte, Charon. Cha-cha-cha, it sure has rhythm, you guys are dancing already, this vid is going to be great!”
“That is not how you say my name, and you know it, Hermes.” Charon said, “it’s Charon, with a kuh.”
“Yeah yeah, but you gotta admit, it sounds better, Charon, like Char, a path of destruction left by raging fire, strong, fearsome, like you, my friend! Your way, eh, Charon sounds a bit like Karen, not great.” said Hermes.
Charon mumbled something about how badly he wanted to punch that golden haired twit and stalked away to his oar.
Charlotte could finally take in the ferry, she wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, but a heated whirlpool and a tiki bar weren’t on her list of expectations.
Bastet was napping happily on a poolside bed and Eris sat on a stool at the bar, aiming olives at the bartender’s head every time he turned around.
Also present were 9 women who were as beautiful as they were imposing, something about them just made Charlotte’s head fill with ideas, jokes, cake recipes, camera angles and decorating tricks.
They had to be the muses, they too had been doing rather well, they had never fallen out of fashion in the first place, but with the constant hunger for fresh content creators worldwide were begging for skill and ideas.
Charlotte tried figuring out who was who by observing them but her brain was still too frazzled from the whirlwind of events she had been dragged through by Hermes, who had barely given her a chance to stop and think what was happening.
“Here, you look like you need this.” The bartender slid a drink towards her, she took a cautious sniff, it smelled of sunny holidays and dancing like nobody’s looking. Figuring the gods didn’t want her dead yet, she took a sip, all of her worries instantly melted away, every muscle unclenched and she forgot what she was anxious about. It was exactly what she needed, with just the right amount of alcohol as well: lots.
“Looks like that hit the spot, eh?” The barman said. His voice and posture were kind and relaxed, he looked like someone you could confide all your problems to with no judgements. There was a joy about him, it wasn’t just the smile and the twinkle in his eye, everything about him said relax, you’re safe, have fun. “Charlotte, right? You can call me Dion.”
Dion? She thought, of course, Dionysus, who else would be able to make you have a good time on Charon’s ferry?
“Seems like we’re about to set off, you will want to see this. It’s an amazing sight no matter how often you see it.” He said, “Although this is relatively new for me as well, immortals don’t often get to travel this way.” His carefree chuckle was so reassuring she forgot she was being taken away from her home and had no idea when or even if she’d be back.
It was an amazing sight. Charon checked the moon’s position and nudged his oar just a tiny bit, the light focused onto the barge like a spotlight and mist rose along the edges of the circle. Everything at ground level started to ripple like water, not just the pond, but the grass, the gravel, the trees, even the ducks.
The mist briefly blocked their vision of their surroundings before swirling away. Where they had travelled to was breathtaking, the moon, still overhead, was brighter, fuller and larger than Charlotte had ever seen it, it bathed them in a gentle silver light. There were no visible stars, just that bright guiding lantern in the sky. The water around them was fully black and still, the only indication of any kind of liquid were the ripples along the hull and the gentle sloshing.
“Little girl, come look here!” The hydra yelled, “Is much more pretty, yes?”
Charlotte ran up to the bow and looked over the edge. Beneath them, like a path laid before them, was a galaxy of stars, an infinite stream of twinkling lights into the distance.
“It’s….I have no words, beautiful doesn’t even begin to describe it, thank you.” she said.
“Is ok, is very nice, don’t try to drink it, ok?” said the hydra.
“Oh, is it the waters of Mnemosyne, I will forget everything if I drink it?” Charlotte asked.
“No no!” the hydra laughed “That is other water. I just did a wee in this one!”
“Yes, yes, very pretty, and very funny, hydra. Now come along, bae, the ladies want to get started.” Hermes ushered Charlotte towards the muses, who were setting up a filming studio at the stern of the barge, near a very grumpy Charon.
“Calliope, are we ready?” Hermes called out.
One of the women, holding a tablet and tapping meticulously on the screen, looked up. “Yeah, we’re good. Urania can’t get a decent connection in here, but we weren’t planning on doing this live anyway. Melpomene will make a captivating edit with what we get and Euterpe will set it to some catchy tune. Thalia is trying to guide Charon into lightening up, but it isn’t going very well, you human will have to bring the comedy. Melpomene is trying the sob-story approach, we’ll see if that works. Terpsichore will be hanging out at the bar with Dion for now, as even the suggestion of adding in some dance almost got her tossed overboard. Clio will take over the branding when we get well and truly started. And”, now her businesslike voice went soft and she took Charlotte’s hand, “if you need to calm down, Polyhymnia will gladly guide you in some meditation.”
“They’re so professional, I love these girls.” said Hermes.
Calliope glared at him, clenching a fist.
“We’re doing this now?” Charlotte exclaimed, “but there’s no kitchen, no ingredients, I don’t have any cake ideas right now!”
“Don’t worry about it, dear. Hi, I’m Clio, I’ll be dealing with our marketing strategy. We decided on a travel-blog style thing for this episode. It’s more fitting don’t you think? Get the crowds thrilled for the journey, even getting to the City of the Gods is filled with sights they won’t forget! Don’t worry, we’ll get you back to cakes as soon as you’re settled in. For now, get up there and think reaction video!”Clio gave her a light shove towards Charon and waved at Urania to start filming.
Charlotte had barely a second to compose herself, right, showtime.
“Oh. My. Gods. -see what I did there?- You won’t believe where I am right now, whisked away in the middle of the night, we started on a duck pond and now we’re, I have no words to what here is, just, just look around!”
Urania swivelled around, taking in the sights of the whirlpool, the comfy loungers where Bastet had taken on her full cat form and rolled over adorably at Polyhymnia’s direction, the tiki bar where Dionysus and Terpsichore did a little sexy shimmy, turned away towards the gorgeous moon just in time to miss Eris flipping her off, a view of the starlit waters rippling behind them and back onto Charlotte and Charon.
“With me is our captain, once he ferried the souls of the dead to their eternal rest, now he ferries the souls of the living to their dreams!”
“I still do the dead ones too.” Charon grumbled.
“Right, of course, but this must be new and exciting for you too, isn’t it?” Charlotte asked.
“There is no excitement for me, I get paid, I ferry souls, it’s all the same, leave me be.” Charon answered.
Clio buried her face in her palms, shaking her head.
Polyhymnia mimed at him to smile.
Charon cocked his cloaked head in confusion.
Polyhymnia mimed at him to at least stand up straight and relax his shoulders.
Misunderstanding the motion Charon stood up straight and shrugged off his cloak, revealing his massive bare chest, rolling muscles, long dirty beard and burning eyes.
“Better?!” he roared.
“CUT!” Calliope shouted. “No interview, let’s just stick to the boat, I think we’ll best leave it at that.”
Charon grumbled while pulling his cloak back over his head and hunching over his oar. Charlotte had ducked away and was trembling in a corner.
Hermes leaned back onto the railing tutting and shaking his head. “Some people just don’t have what it takes.” He held out a hand and pulled Charlotte up.
“Don’t worry toots, Melpomene will make it look good. We’ll set you up in a nice place and you’ll get some rest before we do the next. Not too long though, The Morrigan can’t wait to welcome you to her lands!”
Episode 3: Morrigan>